Me: Inside Out

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind of the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”
Romans 8:1-8

These are comforting verses for me. They are especially comforting during this season of life. More particularly, the Holy Spirit brings me peace through these 8 verses as I write and as I confess. As I confess sin, but more then that, as I confess that Jesus is my Lord and Savior delivering me.

The Lord has been leading me through a time of brokenness and humility. In this season, God has been showing me and convicting me of much. He’s been revealing to me my religiosity and my striving to seem perfect on the outside. How I’m not transparent with sin. Sin that I’ve repented of and deeds I have been forgiven. Sin that Jesus Christ died for and washed me clean of, but I’m too interested in my image to allow the work of Christ to be seen in me.

To be completely upfront, that sin is lust, pornography, and getting as close to the line of sex as possible without crossing it. Lust was my idol – along with pride, my athletic ability, and anything else temporal that I could worship. From a young age, my folly has been sexual desire. A spiral of sin that takes control of most men, me being no different, though just a boy when I chose to give it control. The pornography started upon entering college while I was in full-fledged rebellion from Jesus Christ. I began my rebellion from the Church and a relationship with Christ because the lure of sexual sin grabbed my attention, and I consciously chose it, though the Holy Spirit within me convicted against my actions. Sadly, I ignored Him and gave into my flesh; in fact, chose it over Jesus. However, on the outside I tried to act like I had it all together – played the Christian part and played it half-heartedly, but years of habitual sexual sin kept me of all Christ reflecting fruit. But my Savior didn’t give up, the faint voice of the Holy Spirit, always spoke, but I frequently ignored Him.

That was the case until about two years ago when the Lord grabbed me, shook me, and welcomed me back like the prodigal son I was. Though the pornography didn’t immediately cease, it did begin to fade through the power of Jesus Christ and my wanting to adhere to His Spirit. The Lord began to unfold Scripture to me and to make me anew. His voice in my life began to speak at a louder volume and more frequently. He was no longer faint, no long ignored, but treasured and worshiped for whom He is. My desire transformed from self to God, which is done only by the power and council of the Holy Spirit through Christ Jesus. Life-change took place through the forgiveness and power of the blood of Christ accessible through repentance of sin. Jesus’ death on the Cross for my sin -- a death I deserve, a punishment fit to my lust, the Savior hung on my behalf -- is what freed me, forgave me, and made me right with God. His constant pursuit of me and unconditional love is what rocked me at my soul. He called me back, welcomed me with open arms, never letting me go too far, and allowed me to receive His gift of forgiveness. He took me from a life headed down a path that could have resembled Tiger Woods’ and freed me of my chains that I placed upon myself. I was able to follow Christ only because He prompted me and paid my ransom by dying my death on the Cross, which allows my sins to be repented of.

Truly, I have nothing but the Cross to boast in, where complete forgiveness and freedom are found in the Son of God, Jesus Christ.

My confession here is done because the Lord has called me to carry my cross, as He did, and confessing sin is a part of that command. Plus, the Holy Spirit has instructed me to confess in this manner. Not so that pity or praise is thrown my way, but that you may see the work of Christ in my life, in my heart, soul, and mind. I write this that you may see Christ in my weakness, relying on His strength, grace, and redemption in your own lives. I say this because by God’s beautiful grace I am able to have a deeper relationship with Christ, free of the weight of sin, righteous in the sight of Him through repentance. I truly am amazed and thankful for the Gospel of Jesus for grabbing me, turning me around, and saving me from myself; from my fleshly desires that drove me from Him; God who is love.

I’m thankful to stand under the grace, love, & forgiveness that is Jesus Christ, the Savior of history. Striving to serve, worship, and love Him alone. I’m a work in progress, free from porn and sexual sin, with the Holy Spirit living in me. I’m thankful for my Savior who became the embodiment of the lust and sexual sin that riddled my flesh – to Him be all Glory and worship.

Some help:
1. http://relit.org/porn_again_christian/
2. http://relit.org/deathbylove/

My prayer: Psalm 86:1-13

“Incline your ear, O Lord, and
answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Preserve my life, for I am godly;
save your servant, who trusts in
you—you are my God.
Be gracious to me, O Lord,
For to you do I cry all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
For to you, O Lord do I lift up my soul.
for you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who
call upon you.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.

There is none like you amoung the gods,
O Lord,
nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come
and worship before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous
things;
you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.
I give thanks to you, O Lord my God,
with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love
toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the
depths of Sheol.”

†