A Humbled Servant

I was sitting in my Philosophy of Art class last week and this thought struck me in mid day-dream.

What makes God happy?

I think I found one of many answers to my pondering day-dream.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a
man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death -
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the
highest place
and gave him the name that is above
every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee
should bow,
in heave and on earth and under
the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus
Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father."

To pursue our lives to be as Jesus lived is to make God happy. To become a humbled servant to Him, through pain, happiness, even death. He is over joyed when we give praise and seek a relationship with Him.

Live as Jesus did. Humble ourselves to be servants for the Lord. For when we serve, He blesses us through our service.

Man vs. Spirit

I hit this passage at the most optimal time. The Holy Spirit really gave me comfort through this passage and I feel I should share it.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

While running from God (beginning with a slow jog my sophomore year in high school, building up to a sprint through my sophomore/junior years here at Clemson, until my dead stop and 180 degree turn this past summer) I felt an intense spiritual battle going on around me. I have been saved since I was eight years old, but hardly ever had I pursued the Lord with passion and love. During my "run" from God I began to doubt. I began to doubt that He cared about me.

Why?

Because I could never hear His voice. I was so jealous of Moses, for God came to him so many times, in so many awe inspiring, and tangible ways. I wanted that. I wanted to know God that well - to see His greatness. For Him to speak to me.

But I never took the time to truly and passionately seek Jesus.

I never desired to read His Word - I just did it on a whim or when it felt right. I would read the Bible for a month straight, but then not touch it for three - except on Sundays.

I would put all these earthly and pointless obsessions in front of a Jealous God. That is, until He started to slowly strip them away from me, causing me to almost hit rock bottom. And as He stripped me away of talents and worldly joys, Satan planted seeds of doubt in my mind. Seeds of doubt that blossomed into more sin and more spiritual warfare. Causing me to stir, run cowardly from God's calling, and distrust God who I thought stopped talking to me. Who I thought left me. But, oddly enough, at the same time, I felt Him in me. Him trying to pull me out of the darkness that Satan and I brought myself into, and toward the light that was (and is) Jesus. Nevertheless, His longing felt faint and I interpreted that as Him not caring, or not trying to communicate with me.

When the truth is I stopped seeking Him. I stopped wanting a deep and meaningful relationship with Him. Why? Because it was easier to run then it was to follow Him. Because I could make my own rules, full well knowing that I was disobeying Him. Because following God is hard, it's not just a one day thing but a lifestyle, it's frightening, and straight up overwhelming. Following God is a daily commitment and a daily giving of your life to Him. That was something I just couldn't do. I couldn't daily live my life for God because I thought He had disappeared, moved on to someone else, & I thought that I wasn't important enough to hear the Lord.

How screwed up was I?

Let me be real. I have learned since June 3rd that if you want a relationship with God, you have to seek Him. It's a two way street just like every relationship we have. God always speaks to us, through the good and bad - through the running and the praising. The problem is, when we run, specifically, when I ran from God, He was speaking -I just couldn't hear Him. My eyes and ears where on the world around me - seldom on Him. I would justify my waywardness by using His gifts, but I was never passionate about spreading Jesus.

I was a selfish Christian. Jesus was for me. He saved me. I accepted that but never wanted to give back. I thought "people will see by my example," which was my dumb excuse for being lazy toward the Kingdom of God, my way of hiding from tough talks about Jesus, and my way of hiding from God. People do learn by example, but that example must have a right heart. My heart wasn't right. My heart wasn't on Jesus, but serving the world around me.

Now earlier when I said spiritual warfare, I spoke of this battle between Satan - his demons, all of Hell - and Jesus - his angels, all of Heaven. Now that's on a grand scale, and I'm sure individuals see and struggle in that spiritual war. The battle that took place in and around me is that of the man, Seth vs. the Holy Spirit. As I said, I didn't want to die daily of the man, the dreams, the worldly gifts and pleasures. There was this inner battle between me and the Holy Spirit, and the man was winning. It was sad. It felt wrong. But it was easy.

Seeking Jesus and a relationship is daily dieing to ourselves. Winning this spiritual battle within ourselves so that we may charge Hell with a Super Soaker SC (that's the one with the water pack on the back!). Daily laying down our lives for Christ so that He could use us to expand His Kingdom. Waking up, winning the battle, and praying "Yes Lord" before we even know the question.

This is something we all struggle with - I do daily. Some of us admit it. Some of us don't. Some don't feel it because the Deceiver either already has you where I was or you aren't doing anything to grow the Kingdom of God, so why should he bother. But the battle is there, its real, and its dangerous.

Who do you die for? Yourself, your dreams, the world, OR Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Truth?

* I wrote this on Sunday, but didn't feel right publishing it. Last night in my time with God, I realized why He didn't want me too. Check it:

"So, I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desire what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law."
Galatians 5: 16-18

Check the rest of chapter 5 to see what the "acts of the sinful nature are" and the "fruits of the Spirit."

Me: More Money, More Problems. GOD: Problems?

As I've said before, I am a college student at Clemson University. Actually a financially poor college student. I pay for my lovely schooling partially through scholarships, but mainly through student loans. Student loans that I used to freak out about. I mean, these loans never come in on time. I could apply for the loan two months in advance of due payment and the loan would always get here late - causing me a headache(s) and more trouble.

Well, this semester was different. It was worse then ever before. I applied for my private loan in plenty of time to receive it before the payment deadline, but the downward spiral we call this economic recession posed a problem. Instead of the money coming straight to me and my bank account. The money was going straight to Clemson University. Simple enough right? wrong. This meant that Chase (the loan provider) had to get in contact with Clemson's financial aid office - which seemed to never be open - and they had to verify that I needed the money. Then Clemson had to send some documents back to Chase saying I could stand on my head and pat my stomach, or saying some kind of information that the financial aid office wouldn't disclose to me. Needless to say, January 7th was approaching fast and I had no money for tuition, books, rent, etc.

Actually, January 6th came charging and I couldn't track down where this said documentation was. For all I know it was stuck either in the US Postal Service or cyberspace. I called constantly, to the point where the financial aid office had my number on speed dial, but nothing. They had no idea what was going on with my loan documents, but they did know that if I didn't pay them by January 8th, I would be unregistered from all my classes - meaning I wouldn't be a Clemson student. This is a very hard thing for a first semester senior to hear (I lost about two handfuls of credits when I transferred to Tigertown).

Normally, all this frantic chaos with my loan would drive me certifiably insane for a week or two. In the past, it actually had. I would be a nervous wreck trying to control the uncontrollable. I would let the money take hold. I would stress out, get grumpy, and throw ridiculous (selfish) prayers at God for help.

However, this time was different.

For the first time in my entire life I put God to the test with my finances. I actually trusted Him with my money. You might be saying that is super easy since I didn't have the money yet. Good point, but let me explain a little further.

Coming back from Christmas break I had $132. Now I had bills, gas (which I go through a tank a week at $30 a pop), food (now I can eat!), tuition, books, and what if something breaks? Point is this money is supposed to last for a month or a month & half. Upon coming back to Clemson and NewSpring Church on Sunday January 4th I felt God pull at my heart to tithe fifteen percent of the $145 I received for Christmas. I was reluctant, but folded, finally putting God in my wallet.

In return, GOD has rocked my wallet.

My loan documents were snatched out of cyberspace and placed in Clemson's Financial Aid office. By January 6th at 4:30pm, not only was school paid for, four hundred dollars was placed on my student ID to buy books and groceries since the local BI-LO lets us use the ID like a debit card (its some deal through CU). The rest of my loan money will be sent to me through a check from Clemson University, enabling me to pay rent and utilities. The Lord also paved a way for $180 to come into my hands within the next few days, meaning gas and other expenses can be paid until my first paycheck comes. My mom even emailed me telling me that she got a notice in the mail from Chase saying that my loan wouldn't be dispersed until January 26th, but by the grace of God I've already received it. Now, all this is more then enough - more then I prayed for.
In the past I have given 10 % of my paychecks and other money that I've earned. But it wasn't until January 4th that I gave tithe on gifts and when money was super tight. It was the first time I gave to God when I would feel the pinch - when I would miss the money. In return, He rocked me. He gave me more than I expected, more then I need, and more then I asked Him for.

I love that.
I love when God shows His power.
He is so good to me and I am so thankful.

I can't help but wonder what else I keep from God's power - where else in my life can He rock me, but I get in the way?

My Date

So, I have been single for about a year now after being in a long relationship. Family and Friends constantly ask the infamous question single people get, "Is there anyone special in your life?" or "Are you seriously dating anyone?" Either these questions are asked or some type of hybrid. These questions are quite harmless really, but can be troublesome when asked weekly.

I've got a solution.

The Holy Spirit gave me His solution while I was driving - ok, probably speeding - the 20 minute drive to NewSpring's Anderson campus. The drive usually consists of me jamming to some music from my ipod or radio, and talking with the Lord. This particular morning I was jamming to some Lenny Kravitz from my ipod and talking to the Lord about whatever came to mind. What came to mind was the question of dating. Am I weird for not having a serious relationship? No. Should I seek out trying to date seriously? Not right now. Do I get lonely sometimes from not having someone I can always call who knows what I like and dislike? Yes. As I was driving and pondering these questions with the Lord, the song " I Belong to You" (by Kravitz) came through the speakers.

Here's a taste of it:

"You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You lift me from up above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mind are entwined
Before you I was blind

But since I've opened my eyes
And with you there's no disguise
So I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fight
Now I'm gonna live my life
Giving you the most in every way

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet"

Whether Lenny Kravitz meant it or not, this song screams Jesus to me. The Holy Spirit opened my mind to these lyrics, what they were saying, and spoke to me through them. As I was singing them (badly, mind you) the Holy Spirit said,

"This is me and you. This is what we should have. This is your story. Know me like a lover. You should sing this to me, then a woman."

So I sang it to Him.

I had always been uncomfortable with that, knowing the Lord like a lover. Anytime someone said it, it made me feel funny. BUT my eyes have been opened. After starting "The Shack" (its a book, you should read it.) my mind has been opened to what Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit are, and the different relationship it is to have with Him. At first - when I became saved - I was the kid who had a descent relationship with Jesus. Then I was the kid who spiritually ran from God, all along knowing Jesus was the Messiah, but wanting nothing to do with reading the Bible, and everything to do with arguing with Him. Now I'm seeking Jesus. Seeking a deeper relationship. Seeking intimacy with Him. Daily giving myself to Him, putting down the fight, and living for Him. I don't have it anywhere near right, that's why the Holy Spirit spoke to me in my car, and with "I Belong to You."

Fast Forward my day and press stop on me reading 1 Corinthians 13 late that night. This is icing on the cake that only Jesus and the Holy Spirit could do. If you are not aware, 1 Corinthians 13 speaks about Love. How Paul says to do anything without love is pointless. But not a love that this world would mistakenly define as love. Here's what he says:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a

Love never fails only when it has Jesus in it. I'm not saying all relationship that aren't soley with Jesus fail. For example, I can't have a girlfriend because it will fail because she's not Jesus. No, what I am saying is that I must first have an intimate relationship with Jesus, continually seeking Him, and then I would be able to date in the way God means for us to. With dating, the guy and the young lady should see and experience Jesus from the other. How could we do that without seeking Jesus and an intimate relationship with Him?

Let me make this plain and simple.

You can't.

Rock Your God Given Gift(s)

I have been reading through the New Testament, you know, starting at the beginning and have currently landed in 1 Corinthians. This morning the Holy Spirit really hit me with this:

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same SPIRIT. There are different kinds of service, but the same LORD. There are different kinds of working, but the same GOD works all of them in all men (& women).

1 Corinthians 12:4-6

"But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, everyone of them, just as HE wanted them to be."

1 Corinthians 12: 18

Chapter 12 in its entirety really spoke to me today. How the Lord has placed in us our own gifts. Gifts that make us who we are. Gifts that will glorify Him. Gifts that will grow us closer to Him and what He has planned for our lives. Gifts that make us all unique. Gifts that He works through us.

That said,

Why be afraid to be different? Why try and conform to the norm? Verses 4-6 & 18 nail home the fact that Jesus, our Lord, and the Holy Spirit have it going on. God knows what He's doing. He gave each and everyone of us our own gifts so that the body (His Church, His congregation, His children) could better spread the joyous news of Jesus Christ. Thus, spreading Life Change.

His challenge for myself and for you is to not fear being different. But to have (or find) comfort and confidence in Jesus, in the Holy Spirit that lives in you.

Run toward Jesus. If you don't know already, seek, ask, beg Him to reveal your spiritual gifts. He has blessed everyone of us.

And

Don't be afraid to rock it. Rock the gift. Rock being different. Find confidence in the fact that Jesus gave you the gift full well knowing what He and you would do through it. That He is orchestrating the different gifts He's blessed us with to play some awesome symphony that we can't even begin to fathom. We only hear a portion - the baseline, rhythm, melody, or guitar riff.

He who gives the gift also holds the confidence we need to use it.

Through Jesus we can rock it.

So what are we waiting for?

Virgin Blogger

The purpose of this blog is to share how Jesus works in my life, through my life, and the lives around me. Sometimes my posts will be tales of Jesus' work, others will be ideas I have, and honestly, some posts will be pointless tidbits I find hilarious. Basically, this blog will be me, how the Holy Spirit moves me, the weirdness that I am, and hopefully, over time, helpful. I will try and share the life change that Jesus has done in me through the Holy Spirit and through the people he has placed in my life.

This year is going to be big. I feel something is going to go down and I can't wait. This place will be where I (and others) can see the actions that I am anticipating the Holy Spirit to work. It will be ridiculous and weird - I can promise both.

feel free to stop by anytime. make a comment, good or bad.

wordtoyourmama.

Seth